


Deep in the heart of me

by miniskirts (hyoney)



Category: SISTAR
Genre: Character Study, Future Fic, Gen, Insecurity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 15:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5748826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyoney/pseuds/miniskirts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time ever, beauty was in her reach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deep in the heart of me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Olymfics 2015 @ lj. Inspired by this [prompt](http://41.media.tumblr.com/59a98fdab40ed49f09bb1b05bc990528/tumblr_ndhje6gQTH1tajh7zo1_500.jpg).

_Hyojung admired her mother’s reflection with smiling eyes. Her skin reminded her of the fresh snow she and her baby sister played in during winter. The way she spoke, walked, even her laugh - everything screamed elegance. She was a swan._  
  
_Her mother was running one of her brushes through her hair when she said, “You’re so pretty, mom.”_  
  
_She chuckled and Hyojung saw her reflection smile in the mirror. “Thank you sweetheart.”_  
  
_She smiled brightly at her gratitude and continued to watch her smooth her perfect hair. Hyojung shifted her gaze to stare at her own reflection. In more ways she resembled her father. “Am I pretty too, mom?” she asked with childlike innocence._  
  
_A not-so-pretty frown settled itself across her mother’s features as she stopped brushing. She set the brush down carefully on the dresser and turned to face her daughter._  
  
_“Sweetheart,” her mother started. She held Hyojung’s face in her hands, running a thumb over a chubby cheek. Her lips pursed and she sighed. “You aren’t pretty.”_

 

-

 

Hyolyn jumped slightly in her seat when the default chime of her cell phone snapped her out of an old memory.  
  
She fished the device from her bag and immediately recognized the number from her contacts.  
  
**From:** Dasom  
_Hyo~ng ~~~ ㅋㅋ You're free today too right? ^^ Come eat with us, we have business to settle ㅋㅋ_  
  
She closed the text thread and flipped mindlessly through pages of apps. Part of her felt bad for ignoring the message, but Hyolyn couldn't allow herself to be distracted right now. She glanced up at the clock hanging from the wall.  
  
47 more minutes.  
  
Hyolyn was already regretting her early arrival, but couldn't help but obey her nerves today. The receptionist was equally surprised to see her an extra hour before her scheduled appointment, but quickly chuckled it off to explain Hyolyn wasn't the first to do so in the past.  
  
Aside from the clinic employees and herself, the office was empty. It was easy to negotiate with the doctor to clear a couple of extra hours before her appointment so she could avoid too much attention. She took the standard precautionary measures any other idol would use of course - knit cap pulled down low over her head, a face mask covered her mouth and nose, and she sported the biggest pair of sunglasses she owned.  
  
Hyolyn, however, decided to take it even one step further and her extensions removed (her hair stylist would be furious when she found out), so she was back to her real shoulder length black hair.  
  
She shifted in the plush armchair for the fourth time in two minutes, already done with the remaining forms she was given to sign. While her seat was extremely comfortable, enough to make her doze off without realizing it, she couldn't sit still to save her life.  
  
She went through her saved photos and stared at the few selcas she had with her friends with a tickle of envy.  
  
Ailee, Dasom, Bora, Soyou, UEE. She didn't have many pictures of herself with her friends since it would make it easier to compare their faces with her own. Dasom with her naturally large eyes, UEE and her perfect nose, and Bora with her pretty jawline.  
  
Hyolyn stopped at one photo in particular from over a year ago. The corners of her mouth turned up as she remembered the moment.  
  
It was taken backstage at the GAON Chart K-POP Awards between a dress change, after she and Ailee had just finished a duet. They only had two minutes to change into their gowns before going back on stage to present the award for Best New Female Vocalist. She was putting on her heels when Ailee suddenly passed her phone to a flustered staff member and pulled Hyolyn close.  
  
"Come on," she laughed. "We need to remember this moment!" While the photo was slightly shaky, the two smiling faces pressed cheek-to-cheek, with tousled hair and silky robes cascading down their shoulders and padded bras exposed, were as clear as ever. "We're gorgeous!" she proclaimed. It was by far the hardest photo for Hyolyn to look at on most days, but she couldn't bring herself to delete it even if she wanted to.  
  
Sometimes it was easier to act confident on stage rather than around the people she was close to.

 

-

 

"I'm sure I'm not the first doctor to tell you this," the clinic surgeon told her two months ago. "But you have one of the most well balanced facial structures I've seen."  
  
She recalls hearing something similar years ago, when she sat in an examination room with glaring white walls and a Starship representative at her side. Back when she and her three sisters were barely getting their toes wet in the waves of fame.  
  
The doctor's eyes scanned over the simple Polaroids clipped to her patient chart that the nurse took of Hyolyn before he arrived.  
  
Hyolyn would have laughed at the fascinated look on his face if they were on a ridiculous variety show instead of at his clinic.  
  
The doctor sighed and took a seat across from her behind his desk. He took off his glasses to rub his eyes, and Hyolyn couldn't help but notice how naturally handsome he was. It only made sense, she thought, for an attractive person to help others achieve their dreams of beauty.  
  
"Your record shows that you made a previous visit to another cosmetic clinic about six years ago," he said. "As I mentioned earlier, your face has great symmetry. I feel almost certain that I'm about to bring up something you've heard before, but simply changing one part of your face is impossible."  
  
He paused, stared at her expectantly. Hyolyn held his gaze unwavering. She toyed with the ring on her index finger waiting for him to continue.  
  
He leaned forward slightly with his hands folded in front of him. "You would have to get work done on your entire face for it to recreate the balance you have now. Is that a change you're prepared to live with?"  
  
She lowered her eyes and adjusted the cuffs of her sleeves. "If you had asked me this years ago, I would have said no," Hyolyn said, rolling up the right sleeve three-quarters of the way. "I would have been afraid. I would have let the fear continue to hold me back like I've let it all these years, but not anymore. I'm still scared, but I won't let myself be restrained by my own words or anyone else's," she said firmly as she finished fixing her blouse.  
  
Hyolyn shifted to rest her small chin on her left palm. "So yes, while your concern is kind, I am prepared to live with it. Now, do you have any appointments available in April?"

 

-

  
  
The familiar jingle rang again through the quiet office.  
  
**From:** Soyou  
_Oi, did you get Dasomie's message? We're getting together for lunch to discuss contract plans for Thursday. You better reply to me ㅋㅋ_  
  
Hyolyn stared at the screen, debating whether to respond or ignore it too. She knew by turning it off now she would return to a dozen messages later.  
  
"Kim Hyojung? The doctor is ready to see you now. Did you finish signing the forms?" asked the nurse standing by the hall door.  
  
It was finally time. Years of dreaming and patience led to this moment. She picked up her purse and prepared to put her phone away and forget when the screen lit up again.  
  
**From:** Soyou  
_Help ㅠㅠ They both want fermented crab but I still want chicken ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I told them to let our leader decide._  
  
Hyolyn stood frozen in place, rereading the two messages over and over.  
  
The last few months she had been so focused on what she wanted, she had almost forgotten about the people who were her second family. Her three sisters.  
  
Her choice would affect them as well. She didn't just belong to herself anymore; she was theirs too. How selfish. She was stronger than this.  
  
She bowed deeply at the nurse and receptionist and placed the clipboard on the waiting room table. "I'm sorry, but I forgot I have another important meeting I must attend today. Please tell the doctor I'm sorry for wasting his time. Have a good day." Hyolyn headed for the door, typing a hasty text.  
  
"Wait!" called the nurse. "Would you like me to tell him you'll reschedule?"  
  
Hyolyn turned around and smiled under her face mask. "Tell him I'll call."  
  
She wouldn't.  
  
The door clicked shut behind her.

 

_-_

 

_Her mother was running one of her brushes through her hair when she said, “You’re so pretty mom.”_

_Her mother chuckled and Hyojung saw her reflection smile in the mirror. “Thank you sweetheart.”_

_She smiled brightly at her gratitude and continued to watch her smooth her perfect hair. Hyojung shifted her gaze to stare at her own reflection. In more ways she resembled her father. “Am I pretty too mom?” she asked with childlike innocence._

_A not-so-pretty frown settled itself across her mother’s features as she stopped brushing. She set the brush down carefully on the dresser and turned to face her daughter._

_“Sweetheart,” her mother started. She held Hyojung’s face in her hands, running a thumb over the chubby cheek of her miracle baby. Her mother sighed before giving her a small smile. “You aren’t pretty. You’re strong.”_

_Hyojung processed her mother’s words before she smiled again._

_Strong. She liked the sound of that._


End file.
